I am so excited I am finally finished with all of my post holiday organizing. My studio became the dumping ground for everything I did not want to deal with during the holidays. Other than a very small path for the cat to walk through to get to his litter box you couldn’t make it through my studio without tiptoeing and leaping over boxes, chairs, bags, baskets, and garbage it was a disaster.
My studio is in our unfinished section of our basement and the only time I can see daylight is when it is warm enough to have the basement doors open. It is not my ideal working space, it is dreary and damp, but I shouldn’t complain it’s better than working at the kitchen table and having to clean up after myself all the time.
Along with organizing all of the Christmas decorations I have been going through and beginning to organize all of our things to get ready to move. This year there was no shoving decorations here or there I actually organized everything so it was ready for our upcoming journey whenever that may be.
We were also privileged to be able to have some amazing things from my husband’s grandparent’s estate. Last January we lost his grandpa and right before the Christmas we lost his grandma. They were both amazing people. They lived on their own for 92 years and left us with so many special memories.
I was very lucky to get all of his grandmother’s sewing and craft supplies plus whatever Christmas and everyday knick knacks we wanted. It was neat going through all of her sewing and crafting goodies I felt like I got to know her a little better. I also learned she was as organized as I am lol. She was very talented and creative always making something special for family and friends and I feel honored to have so many of her beautiful pieces of art.
I wanted to share a newer fox painting today and the newest member of our family. Prior to last Thursday we were 4 person 2 animal household. We have been talking for awhile about getting another dog. We wanted to take the plunge before making improvements on our current house and moving into our new house. I love puppies but I know they can wreak havoc on floors and furniture and we wanted to get a pup before we made any upgrades. The furry members of our family include, Scream an eleven year old black cat and Isabelle an eight year old Norwegian Elkhound. In our little pack my husband is the alpha male and Isabelle is second in command. She is great with the kids, a fabulous watch dog and my buddy. I knew the hardest part would be getting Izzy acquainted with the new pooch. She is very protective of all of us and is a big baby.
We were searching online for puppies and stumbled across an adorable 10 week old Jug named Mittens. I have been googling over Puggles for the past year but when I saw her I knew she was the one. Mary Jane previously named Mittens was one of five puppies. Her mom is a Jug and her dad is a Pug. She is so cute and tiny. Isabelle is about 50 pounds and Mary Jane is 4.7 pounds. I love big dogs I have never been a fan of little dogs but she is so cute and has a huge personality. The kids adore her. She was quite shy and tame when we brought her home but after a couple days in our house she has fit right in and become quite comfortable. She is a little nut! The cat just looks at her, actually looks down at her and well Isabelle thinks she is a bit of a pest. Mary Jane adores Isabelle. She wants to cuddle with her and follow her around. Every day Izzy is doing better with her. It’s funny to see the two of them interact. Isabelle is definitely in charge and has no problems putting Mary Jane in her place. As I am writing this MJ is curled up at one end of the couch and Izzy at the other. I know over time they will be buddies, actually I am hoping over time they will become buddies.
Have you ever noticed how every New Year’s Day has the same feel, the same promises to yourself, the same regrets and the same wishful thinking year after year? My resolutions or promises to myself are always similar, create more, take care of myself better, be a better mother, wife, person. I write it down, get organized, and then the year happens, life happens, but every New Year’s Day it feels and looks the same. As a person I don’t feel any better, I don’t feel like I have accomplished anything and every year the regrets seem to get larger and the accomplishments get smaller.
I think I have discovered the problem my problem. There is one thing about me that needs to change before any aspect of my life can improve. It is the reason I am not more confident with myself, my art and really every aspect in my life. I lack self confidence and self esteem. I always doubt myself, my ability to be a good wife or mother, my art, my intelligence, my opinions. I am constantly beating myself up. I am not sure if my low self esteem is because of my depression or if it is the other way around. I know I will never accomplish my goals or become the person I want to be until I address and change my confidence and esteem issues.
My resolution or promise to myself is to realize my self-worth and talents. If I can have more faith in me everything else in my life will fall into place. 33 years of doubting me will not change overnight but I am tired of every New Year’s Day feeling the same way.