Have you ever noticed how every New Year’s Day has the same feel, the same promises to yourself, the same regrets and the same wishful thinking year after year? My resolutions or promises to myself are always similar, create more, take care of myself better, be a better mother, wife, person. I write it down, get organized, and then the year happens, life happens, but every New Year’s Day it feels and looks the same. As a person I don’t feel any better, I don’t feel like I have accomplished anything and every year the regrets seem to get larger and the accomplishments get smaller.
I think I have discovered the problem my problem. There is one thing about me that needs to change before any aspect of my life can improve. It is the reason I am not more confident with myself, my art and really every aspect in my life. I lack self confidence and self esteem. I always doubt myself, my ability to be a good wife or mother, my art, my intelligence, my opinions. I am constantly beating myself up. I am not sure if my low self esteem is because of my depression or if it is the other way around. I know I will never accomplish my goals or become the person I want to be until I address and change my confidence and esteem issues.
My resolution or promise to myself is to realize my self-worth and talents. If I can have more faith in me everything else in my life will fall into place. 33 years of doubting me will not change overnight but I am tired of every New Year’s Day feeling the same way.
Happy 2013, Heather