Friday, January 29, 2010

Garden Rake on a Moss Covered Shutter …

This is my latest folk-art painting inspired by antiques and gardening. On this particular painting I have hung a rusty rake on a moss covered shutter. The rake has been decorated with vintage items and flowers.

African violets in an enamelware mug ...

Sunflower, red bird ornament ...

Pink mica putz house ornament ...

Abbey really wanted her picture taken, she is such a ham.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Exhausted ...

I am exhausted. My two-year-old daughter, Abbey, has been quite sick the last several nights. It started Monday night; she didn’t want to eat dinner, and was a little more beastly than usual. I thought she was just tired, I was wrong the poor thing was coming down with a stomach bug. Neither of us got much sleep but once the sun came up she seemed fine, she was her normal, hyper, upbeat self. She went to bed at her normal time and I was looking forward to a good night sleep in my own bed. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. At midnight she started to cry and I walked in on an appalling scene that made me cry. At that moment I missed my husband so much, he has been out of town all week. It wasn’t so much that I needed his help cleaning the horrific mess I just wanted to hear him say, what can I do?
My hat goes of to single parents, I have no idea how they take on all the surprises that life throws at them plus tackle the challenging job of being a parent. I think they are amazing. Tonight I am extra excited to see my husband when he comes home from a business trip; I am looking forward to having an extra set of hands and someone to listen to me whine.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Orange Pansies in Teacup

I am currently working on a series of garden and vintage d├ęcor inspired paintings. I love walking around antique markets and finding unique little vases or ceramic pots with the tiniest imperfections in them. They are full of character and charm, they all have story, if only they could talk.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

It’ Raining it’s Poring … Creativity!

I have been suffering through a creative drought since the middle of December. Depression being the heavy grey curtain keeping out any beams of inspiration. Today although grey, damp and dreary I have found the inspirational light I so desperately needed. I have completed several unique sketches for upcoming paintings I plan to start this week, all the while crossing my fingers hoping this is the start of the rainy season and that my creative drought is over.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fun with Play-Doh …

I love Play-Doh, the smell, the colors, the squishiness, the endless hours of fun; lucky for me I have two creative kids who love it too. Abbey is two and she doesn’t make much she does however ramble off a list of things she wants me to create. The first thing she wanted me to make was a ducky; she started giggling when I gave her the first green duck. It was the most wonderful response to anything I have ever made anyone. Her laughter was contagious and before I knew it I was giggling with her, tears rolling down my face. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time, it was just what I needed.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

My Inner Struggle …

I have been in such a slump the last couple of weeks. I hate it, it’s driving me nuts! It is so frustrating being so down and having no reason to feel this way. When I become this depressed my self worth and image plummets. The only people I have enough drive to stay up for are my children; I don’t want them to know I am feeling so bad. I usually turn off the rest of the world, go through the motions and become an actress putting on a performance from the time my little monkeys wake up until they go to bed. I try to push through and ignore how I am feeling. I know that if I keep going I will wake up one morning and feel so much better, it just seems this spat is taking forever to break.
When I was younger I used to feel sorry for myself, I felt it was unfair that I felt so bad, now I get mad at myself for feeling this way. I have a beautiful life; the chemicals in my brain just won’t cooperate. There are so many people who struggle everyday with challenges that make mine look pathetic in comparison, I am ashamed that I feel this bad.
About ten years ago I was diagnosed bipolar; I was placed on many types of medications and went to therapy on a regular basis. I hated the medications, but loved therapy. I used to dwell on my problem now I ignore it. I have learned to recognize signs and try to push through the bad days. I am very lucky I haven’t had many problems the last four years, but at least once or twice a year my depression disrupts my life. The worst part of depression for me is feeling worthless and over critical of myself. That is never good especially when you are putting your heart and soul out for the entire world to see, I second guess everything and creatively I become a skeptic, I feel like anything and everything I do is not good enough.
One of the most important things I have learned about depression is don’t try to battle it alone, tell someone how you feel, don’t be ashamed and get help. I am lucky; my husband is aware and supportive of me when I feel low. It can be scary if you try to go through it alone. I still try to hide how I am feeling from my husband, but once I share how bad I feel it makes everything seem a little less hopeless.
Today I feel a little better, the sun is shining, I have a few projects I want to start, and sharing how I feel has actually made me feel better. Thank you for listening.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Thinking Spring ...

Tomorrow is bittersweet, both of my men are back to school and work and the holidays are officially over. The magic and beauty comes and goes so fast. The beautiful tree that glowed in our living room now sits on the curb waiting to become a pile of mulch, which is sad but at the same time exciting. The countdown to spring is here! I know that winter has just begun and I do love the simple elegance of the season, but once the holidays are over I am ready for spring. Even the snow woman we built on New Years Eve is ready for spring. The bright spot tomorrow is I am getting back into the studio and beginning to create my spring and summer designs. It might be 20 degrees outside but I will be daydreaming about fragrant lilacs, bright green leaves and warm sunshine.