Wednesday, March 2, 2011

My Apologies...

I wanted to apologize to anyone who has read my last few posts. I haven’t felt like myself lately and have been in a funk. If you have been around a while you know that I suffer with depression. I have been this way for as long as I can remember and unfortunately it is something I have to live with. Last spring I decided to go back to the doctor and give medication another try. I was tired of trying to battle my depression on my own, it was winning. Up until that point I had never had success with taking meds and pretty much boycotted them.

The first med I was put on was a newer drug, one I never heard of. After only taking it a short time I felt fabulous, better than I could ever remember feeling. I could take a deep breath and just feel completely peaceful. I had no anxiety and no signs of depression. Unfortunately I ended up in the emergency room because of that medication. I was covered in a rash from head to toe and my lower lip swelled up at least five times its normal size. I was bummed it didn’t work but it was encouraging to know something could help.

The next med I was put on helped a little. I felt better, but I was so tired and cranky all the time and I was blowing up like a balloon. I gained quite a bit of weight in a short time. My doctor lowered the dose of that med and started me on another one. After a little tweaking I felt wonderful. The depression faded, I wasn’t irritable or short with anyone, I lost more weight than I had gained and I could just enjoy life without feeling dread all the time. Along with feeling fabulous and having my life back I was overflowing with artist ideas. I was excited about creating and had an upbeat positive outlook.

My depression always gets worse in the spring. Once Valentine’s Day is over and March begins to approach my depression will take over my life. I dread March and April. I wish I could skip the next two months and fast forward to the end of May. For about two weeks I have been very blah. I am having the hardest time creating anything and I have become really hard on myself. Yesterday after I dropped Abbey off at preschool all I wanted to do was sit and cry. I decided to call my doctor before I felt any worse. We upped the dose of one of my medications and I am hoping that will help.

It’s hard to describe how amazing it feels not to be depressed. Depression was my norm for such a long time. It holds you back from the person you are and the person you want to be. My relationship with my husband and my children has improved so much over the last five months. I am happy, patient, fun, laid back, and balanced. I increased my medication this morning and I have been doing little things all day that make me happy. I want to enjoy March and April for a change instead of hiding under the covers.

1 comment:

  1. You don't have to apologize for anything. I am so glad you went to the doctor. March and April are very hard months. they had a thing about that yesterday on our news. I pray you get feeling better very soon...medications have so many side effects. I have been on meds for over eight years for a condition I got when I was 39. paitience, tweaking and tweaking they will get it right for you. big hug. I am so inspired by your art works. gorgeous.


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