Every morning for the past couple of weeks a group of black birds sit in the top of my neighbor’s tree. How do I know this because every morning I wake up and do the same thing, I make a cup of coffee, grab my computer and sit mindlessly checking my e-mail, blog, facebook, and visit Etsy. I walk away feeling the same, uninspired, depressed, irritable, and blah. Do you think the black birds feel the same?
I loathe this time of year. My depression gets 10 times worse, even my meds can’t put a dent in my blues. I feel so guilty for feeling this way there are so many people who are going through horrible things they have a reason to feel this way and I don’t. I miss being my bubbly self. I try to put up an act but I always feel ten times worse after I do, cheap and fake. I hate feeling negative, and acting negative, I turn into the people I hate being around. I really feel bad for people who live their life this way on a regular bases, I despise myself right now. I would love to crawl out of my skin, run away, and hide out until I start to feel better. I feel bad for my family, they have to deal with negative, sarcastic, ugly Heather.
I decided this morning I am going to shake up my routine for the next couple of days to see if it helps. I am putting away the computer, , I am not going to even check my activity on Etsy, my blog, or facebook and I am only going to check my mail once a day from my phone.
The things I normally love I am starting to hate and that is something that usually make me feel worse.
I will be back when I am the Heather I love. See you later black birds!