Hi, I am back and feeling much better. I hate when my depression gets that bad. There were so many environmental factors happening at one time that it created a perfect storm scenario in my brain and made my depression take over. I know what caused my depression to get worse than normal, my birthday and the baggage that comes with it, hormones, got to love women problems, and this time of year it’s a combination that created a perfect storm in my head. (My husband would get a kick out of me using that reference, he loves that movie and I do not. How many times do you need to see a boat sink and men drown? I say once, especially when the men include George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg).
I was not upset about getting older. I like my thirties and this year is full of so many possibilities. Once Abigail starts school in August I can finally start creating art fulltime. I got pregnant with Noah when I was in college and for the past decade I have been a stay at home mom who gets to create a couple of hours a week and art has been more of a hobby than a business. I went from a student to a mom and never had that career time. I am really looking forward to having that, I want to see where I can push myself and that is exciting.
I was depressed because of the constant pink elephant in the room my parents. I was sick about the Birthday text messages I would receive from my mother and the fact that instead of calling my father would send a lame text message. My parent’s separation drama from each other and their family has been going on for almost four years. Nothing changes it’s like a never ending soap opera that I have decided to remove myself from for my mental health and for my families. I miss having my parent’s play an important part in my life but it’s not fair to put my family through that, they need to come first. So on my birthday when I received the text messages from my mother instead of deleting them and hiding I wrote her back and thanked her for the message. I felt better after I did and I realized I am much stronger than I think. I am disappointed in my father but what he did has become the norm and not a surprise.
The weather has been so beautiful so that has helped my depression and as of last night my hormones made peace with me so this morning I can breathe easier. I am so glad the storm is over!
Heather, you're much too young, pretty, and talented to be feeling down. It sounds like you're moving forward. Keep the faith. With God's love, all things are possible.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see that the warm weather and the beautiful flowers are lifting your spirits. Now on to bigger and better things, young lady!
That depression can be a monster. It is hard when family just seems to add to it. Take heart though, you're art is happy and bright, and being able to do more of it will be good for you.
ReplyDeleteIt's OK to have down days as long as you remember that the best thing about life is that it changes. At some point you'll feel better, and having done exactly what you did with kids, career and what not, your art is going to give you wings.